Today’s feature Chris is no stranger to the blog, you may remember him from his post Trading Places. He’s back to give us his perspective on the guy/girl friendship:
Can Heterosexuals Have a Successful Close Guy/Girl Friendship?
Know your boundaries. Know what connected you to one another. Know you and the other parties intent.
The first rule of having opposite sex friendships is to know your BOUNDARIES! When you allow an unrestricted friendship to develop then you are in essence potentially leaving yourself open for that friendship to develop into a relationship. Most people would not agree that just because a guy and a girl are very good friends it could lead to more. Too little actually think of the “what if” until it is too late and one side has developed more than just friendship feelings. In order to consider someone a friend you have to have a CONNECTION. The connection can have different levels and can hold different weights but is something special that is shared between two individuals. The connection can be on a physical level, which will increase chances of falling into either relations or a relationship, or maybe the connection is more on a mental level.
Side note: Ever seen a 10 with a 3, and ever wondered what the 10 sees in the 3! There are three cases 1) The 3 has ASSETS 2) The 10 knows the 3 isn’t going anywhere or 3) The 3 was a friend that turned into a best friend that then became an ideal candidate or perfect match.
Let’s take a step back and discuss INTENT! Guys, 9 times out of 10, are only seeking friendship from a female for a couple reasons. Guys usually will have a few guy friends that he can talk junk with, and exaggerate the truth with. He will also have some type of family member to discuss deep dark secrets with or have real talk conversations with. So our need to chat about fun, advice, and the future are filled by the boysss and mama-n-dem. When a male is looking to share his heart, he then seeks out a female as a companion which will encompass both friendship and a relationship. With that being said, a male is either looking for a friend with benefits situation or a significant other when he seeks out friendship from a female.
I cannot speak for the ladies as to why they seek friendship from a male. But I would suggest letting that guy go who you know is interested in you as more than a friend. Simply because his actions and advice will be stemming from a more than a friend place. I’ve heard women say “it’s not my fault he likes me”, or “I know him too well to date him”, and the classic “I don’t want our friendship to change”, realistically if he likes you it’s no one’s fault per say but that does not mean that action should not be taken.
To further explain, since you do know him so well you can look over his faults and accept him for who he is, change is inevitable. The dynamics are going to be altered once either of the two find a significant other or when one side allows their feelings to be known. That goes for guys as well but my charge to the guys is to be mindful of the next guy, so know your intent and be clear! As pursuers we know what we want from the first interaction so we allow the situation to flow down a path that we know will gain trust. And in some cases, do what we came to do and then leave her high and dry which leaves a true contender slim to no chance.
This is a foundation I would definitely like to build upon in the future. Overall Heterosexual Guys and Girls can be friends but based upon the dynamics of the relationship. The complexity of the situation can be unessential to one or both parties.
In the end is it really worth it?
Do you think guys and girls can be JUST friends?